Our "borrowed baby"

April 29, 2011

The Lord allowed me some relief today. Our awesome, loving God gave me new eyes for our circumstances and my peace (at this moment) is so sweet. I told J.V. that I had been thinking about this pregnancy and how in the world I could have any joy at all in the next 5 months knowing that I will lose this precious baby. I wondered if it were possible in any way to go on with my life as “normal” and actually function, maybe do some of the things I had wanted to do with the kids this summer. As I pondered this, the Lord spoke to my heart. I remembered how along this journey J.V. and I had thought about doing a foster to adopt program to build our family and adopt a child. At this moment, I thought, no way I could do that, they might give me a baby for a year and then take it back (that might be just as painful or even more than what I’m enduring!) But suddenly I realized that fostering a child is kind of what the Lord has called us to do…with this baby within me. He has asked J.V. and I to care for a sick child for the next 5 months at which time He will bring back home to her heavenly father. This baby never belonged to me, none of my children do. The Lord has entrusted each of them to us for a time and then they will go where they can be truly whole, to be with Him. I can rest assured because I know that this precious gift He has given us for a time, is not just going to any home, she is going to an amazing home (not as in traditional fostering situations where the child may be put back into a home with drugs or a parent that does not care for her, etc). No, our “borrowed baby” is going to a place where she will have complete joy and a perfect, healthy body. No tears, no pain, no sickness. I think I can find joy in knowing that for as long as He gives us this child. The Lord chose our family to be the ones to care for her...what a special job. He has asked us to keep this child comfortable and help her feel love. It is a gift, and right now (I’m not promising for tomorrow), but at this moment, I can enjoy the kicks I feel as I write with out the enormous cloud of sorrow sweeping over me. This is what God has called us to in this season, and I’m honored to take care of this baby. I think this is kind of what it means when they talk about “the sacred dance of grief and joy.” Only He can do that.